Am I Too Busy To Talk To My Parents?

Reclaiming barakah by slowing down for them.

When was the last time you talked to your parents?
Was it today, or yesterday, in the middle of a rushed commute or between meetings? Was it last week, during a quick check-in that barely scratched the surface?
Or has it been so long that you're not even sure what you'd say when you finally do pick up the phone? Or are they not with you anymore?

At the end of Ramadan, I attended the funeral of the father of a dear brother in faith. This brother, a busy professional like many of us, had been fighting tooth and nail with immigration authorities to keep his father with him after the passing of his mother back in India. Despite being in his middle age with grown-up children of his own, I saw him break down like a child during the funeral. He had poured his time, energy, money, and health into keeping his father close to him and taking good care of his father. May Allah be pleased with him, and enter his father into the highest levels in paradise.

Not long ago, I had a conversation with one of my professional coaches. He said, “I can’t even think of staying in a hospital for my Mom. Hospitals will take care of her.” He wasn’t being harsh—he was simply expressing what this individualistic society often teaches us: that systems are in place so we don’t have to be.

Both are professionals. Both are busy. But their views on caring for parents couldn’t be more different.

In a world that sets its own ‘standards’ in honouring and caring for our parents, what does Allah ask of us?

Allah says:
Worship Allah ˹alone˺ and associate none with Him. And be good to parents…..
(Quran 4:36)

Allah SWT used the word Ihsaan—a level above good. Ihsaan means excellence, the best possible behavior, the highest form of care and kindness. Prophet ﷺ explained excellence as: "To worship Allah as though you see Him..."

So imagine—that same level of sincerity, excellence, and presence is what Allah expects from us in our relationship with our parents!

Whether we are living across the world or in the same house, whether you're overwhelmed with work or barely keeping up with life—the standard doesn’t change. Allah says: be the best to them.

So we all need to strive to make this a top priority in our day—to check in with our parents in the best possible way, while navigating through our lives. Not just a quick message or call, but a moment where we are truly with them. This is what Allah SWT wants from us.

What if my parents are spiritually blackmailing me?

It is also the case that, sometimes, parents may use the (non) spiritual stick to blackmail their children, and make them take decisions that would be detrimental to them. Serving your parents does not always mean saying 'Yes' to everything, but being with them as a support and help, while steering through your life in your time.

Allah SWT indicates this balance in the Quran.

We have commanded people to be good to their parents: their mothers carried them, with strain upon strain, and it takes two years to wean them. Give thanks to me and to your parents- all will return to me. But if they pressure you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them. Still keep their company in this world courteously, and follow the way of those who turn to Me. Then to Me you will all return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.
(Quran 31:14-15)

Associating a partner with Allah SWT is the biggest Sin that one can commit. Allah asks not to obey your parents if they force you to do so, but still keep their company! Subhanallah.
This shows that while our ultimate obedience is to Allah alone, our conduct with our parents must always reflect Ihsaan—even in disagreement.

What if my parents have passed away?

If your parents are no longer with you, you can still stay connected to them. The Prophet ﷺ said:

"When a person dies, their deeds come to an end except three: continuing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for them."
(Sahih Muslim)

You can still be the best to your parents by:

• Making regular dua for them.

• Giving charity on their behalf.

• Continuing their good work or legacy.

• Remembering their goodness and speaking well of them.

• Strengthening ties with those they loved.

So, in any case—whether they are with you, far away, difficult, or have returned to Allah—you can choose to be your best to them. The excuses of hustle culture—“I’m too busy,” “I’ll be less productive,” “I don’t have time”—should never be a block between us and what pleases Allah the most.

From today… Slow down.

Allah says:
And lower your wing in humility towards them in kindness and say, 'Lord, have mercy on them, just as they cared for me when I was little
(Quran 17:24)

Maybe we are in a time when we are flying high in life. Allah says to lower our wings with mercy and humility for them.

Before the to-do lists and meetings begin, slow down—for them.
Check in.
Call them.
Make dua for them.
Be present.

• If you live with them, sit and talk with them. Understand what they need.

• If you live far, call them early in the day, when your energy is fresh.

• If they’ve passed away, raise your hands and pray for them sincerely.

Be the best to your parents—for Allah’s sake.
And watch how the barakah flows into your life.

Sincere Duáas
Haneef

Reference: Mohammed A. Faris. The Barakah Effect. The Productive Muslim Company, 2024.

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